♥ A goose's honk.

So..Here I go. I like you. As in like "like" you. Get it? *shy*gooseish feeling* Why? Stop asking me that. Coz i dont know. And its not coz i'm racist :D It's just coz I do. You're weird in every way. And I still do! You found me, so if you read this, good for you. And its not password protected :)

As clear as smoke.

Has anyone looked at you, starring right through you? Like you never existed?

You're there. He saw you. You asked him. Are we going??? He doesn't answer. He is busy with her. You ask again. He helps her. Now. You ORDER him this time. With a louder voice. Let's go already!! He looks at you. That stare. No words needed. You pack your skate-board. 'Coz you know, that the father-son time he promised you wasn't going to happen that day.

I can totally imagine what you went through. 'Coz when I said "hey" to you, you looked through me. Like I wasn't even there. Like I was made up of smoke. You make me tear., even till now. It has been 8 years. Why am I even tearing for you. You're not worth it. I am happy now. I have him, who listens to me. Who knows me. Who cares for me. You don't even know where I am. That's actually good. In a way. Maybe it's the wine. I want you out. You will never read this. But if you do, I want you to know, I do not care about you. I am the best thing that has happened to my mum (besides acha, chechi and sachin). So. You. Are. Not. Important.

And I am still tearing.

Go away. Razif Radha Abdullah.

Light through curtains.

Everyone says..when one door closes, another one or a window will always open. Today I walked in my room. Closed the door behind me. The windows didnt open, nor did another door, coz I only have one door in my room :p BUT. A thin line of light, from the slits of my curtain shined through my room. Although I cant possibly go through that glass, it was an idea that shined through, showing itself. Telling me to break it, and step out. In a way, it was not the end, it was the start of a new beginning. I felt that something was telling me, no matter how stuck I am, there is a way out. I just have to figure out how. No one else can do it for me. Coz its me, and my life. My story. It will turn out exactly how I want it to be. People say, fate doesnt lie in our hands..well, I do not believe that is true for everything. If you want it. You have it. Just make sure, you look out for that light, that one light that will help you. Do not give up, Reshme. You're almost there. Almost. -n-

It was worse than winter.

So cold. Everything was. I do not know you anymore. If only there was the Ice King and not the Ice Queen, you'd be a perfect description for it. I miss the lil frog I had. My ribbit. Now, you are just, someone else, not mine, obviously. But. I dont know if this is your shield, or this is who you have become. Whatever it is, that 10minutes, was worse than winter.

You. And Sally.

I have got 6 weeks!! Yeayyy!! To write my thesis..ooooh, how exciting ey? Anyways, I think I have an accent already. Haha how fake. But its better being honest about faking it, then pretending you had it all the while. Ah well. I've got attitude going on in me. Seriously. Ego. Pride. I really wanted, NEEDED, to talk to you. But now, I never will again. Till you do. Which you wont. And from now, you, shall not be mentioned here or anywhere anymore. You shall not know, what I think of you. Bye. :)

So anyways, back to my 6 weeks!! Time to get serious!!!!!! I need that first class. I need that scholarship. I NEED to do my phd. I need to prove it to them, that I can do it, as well. I am sitting in the phd student's office now, trying to do my work, and to get motivated, and its actually working, only, im concentrating so hard on what to actually say here, and not on the "Modifications and transportations of Lipid A in Neisseria meningitidis".

My umbrella almost died-ed today. The gale almost swept me away, coz I was floating in my own thoughts. A 20minute walk can be the shortest walk if you have something going on in that lil thing in ur head, called the brain. I call mine Sally. And when I do something really stupid, I call it Silly Sally. *suetling, write in the book!! haha, im goodlah* anyways!! Sally has been having her own mind lately. And its not a very pleasant thing. ~sigh.

I wish I uploaded videos here, of me saying things, coz seriously, this writing isnt helping. You cant see me, you cant see what I am going through. You do not know who I am anymore. Oh that's right, I was suppose to stop talking about you anymore.

xx

An empty room.

So she left. Today. After 5 days. My room that was filled with shopping bags is now empty.The first 2 days were torture!! Okay, I know I am mean, but dear lord!! It was so difficult. Being alone for so long, and then suddenly have someone to tell you what to do and what not to do. I miss her like crazy now. I teared as she went. I couldnt bring myself to tell her I missed her, to tell her that I LOVED HER.. I dont know whats wrong with me. But. I wrote her something. Telling her how I felt. I dont like writing. I dont like talking. But I did write this time. Coz I wanted her to know that I LOVE HER TO BITS :) She shared my single tiny bed with me. Hugging me at night. Keeping me warm in this winter. And when it got stuffy, she screamed at me asking me to move away! hehe she is a cutie. After all she has been through in life, nothing changes the fact that she is truly my hero. My mummy :)



Also, I think he has left for good. Left me for good. I guess it's a good thing. I suppose. In a way. He gets to move on. Although I might not. But I pretend I have. But it's all good :) I wont take out the good in him anymore.



And Im so freaking pissed that Leeza's havaianas hasnt reached her yet.. *whoops* oh btw, that isnt ur bday presie ok!! :)

No One Really Does.

Care. No one really does. "Eh, are you sure he wont mind?".."Aiya, dont care lah".."Eh what if she finds out?".."Aaaah, I dont care!".."Heyy, how are ya..? Happy birthday! How's things there?".."*no reply*"*I dont care, so I'm not going to reply*..."Should we dilute this further?".."Hmm..i dont really care..it should be alright"..."I miss you".."Oh, really?" *like I care*.."I miss you too"..

If no one does, why do I care so much? Coz I do have people around me that DO CARE. Well for those who dont, time to go numb.

~xx